Thursday, October 2, 2008

It takes courage.


That was the first word that truly spoke to me as a mom that no longer was able to hold her child whenever she wanted. I was several months pregnant with our second child, our first child had passed away in January. I was sitting and chatting with some teachers at the Headstart that I was the fulltime SLP for in Alexander County, NC. One teacher out of the blue says, "I tell my mom all the time about how much courage you have."

I had never thought of it that way. At that point, I felt like I was putting one foot in front of the other just to get through the next moment. I had a baby growing inside of me, depending on me to keep it together for him. There was nothing courageous about it to me. Not until that word was given to me.

She was right. It takes a ton of courage to move forward from the crushing grief of a sick child; the incomprehensiable saddness of death. It takes courage now to answer the question: "How many children do you have?" I have 3. Luke is 5, Colin is 3 and their older brother Caleb passed away from a heart defect before he was 2. It takes courage to deal with the reaction to that. Sometimes, I don't have the courage. I have 2 boys at home.

Today I have the courage.